Show-Not-Tell Student Examples (2010-2011)

As Rebecca left the house in the early chill of the morning, she walked to the side if the house to get the dogs some food out of the container.  As the snow flake touched her face, she could feel the cold air against her skin. She walked over to the large dog kennels and dropped some food into the shiny silver bowls.   Clouds were coming in from the right as the bright blue sky slowly vanished off to the right.  The dogs were barking as if trying to say that they were starving. Rebecca went over to the farthest kennel by the pine trees, and filled the empty silver bowl. As she was walking back to the house the wind picked up, and Rebecca got a strong sniff of dog urine.  Rebecca walked up the stairs, to the house with her hand plugging her nose, preventing the vile smell from getting up her nose.  

-Setting development by Mackenzie

     “I don’t like raking leaves,” said Chris. “Are we done yet?”

      “Actually, yes” said Wyatt, “I guess you can go now.” Chris charged up for about 5 seconds and then teleported to their house, as Wyatt took the tractor. As Chris reappeared, he remembered that he had forgotten to brush his teeth. He quickly trudged into the house.

     When he got into the bathroom, he looked into the mirror; he saw a dirty face staring at him. The face had a few freckles around his nose, brown eyes, and shaggy golden-brown hair. Chris sighed.   Then he took out his toothbrush and some toothpaste. He brushed his teeth until they were whiter than paper. Once he was done, he tapped the tooth brush on the edge of the sink. “Almost ready?” asked Wyatt.

-Character development by Thomas

Masin groaned as she heard her alarm clock ring, as she slowly slumped out of bed and smacked the snooze button. She had to get ready for her tennis training. The clock read 5:45 am. She walked over to her closet and pulled out her tennis jersey T-shirt and her Burlington Middle School sweat pants. She pulled on her clothes, yawning like crazy. She trudged to the bathroom and washed her tan face clean, brushed her long black curly hair into a ponytail, put in her contacts as her dark green eyes glistened and then brushed her straight white teeth.

-Character development by Taylor

Drake strolled out of the metal vault door bunker with a grin on his face as the trees were turning to a crumpled black color because of the poisonous gases.  Drake came out of his bunker that is hidden under a mountain to check on his plan’s progress.  And his plan was succeeding; people now felt what Drake had felt all of his life, fear.  Fear is what caused this mess, the destroyed buildings, the robots, and the lifeless tan dirt ground that now contaminated the land for miles.  Of course Drake’s bunker wasn’t located in the city; he would’ve been killed, too.

-Setting development by Shane